Why I Stopped Reading the Bible
(Some days I feel like this)
Francis Bacon; Head VI 1949 (290 Kb); Oil on canvas, 93.2 x 76.5 cm (36 5/8 x 30 1/8 in); Arts Council of Great Britain, London
This painting is based on Velazquez's Portrait of Pope Innocent X
Yes, I can already hear some of you cringing. I do still read the Bible. I just have a much more difficult time doing so than I used to.
I did read the Bible religously at one time. During a four month span, I read it cover to cover; thinking that somehow by accomplishing this I would understand God a little more. But I read the Bible in isolation, believe that God would "speak" to me through the text. I believed that I would find guidence for daily living as I heard so often from so many people. After all, isn't the Bible a "handbook on life?" Well no. It's not. I read the Bible with completely selfish motives. I wanted to know what God had in store for me. I wanted direction in my life. I never took the Bible for what it was - I always drew conclusions to my own situation. In doing so, I lost the story, because the story became about me and only me. My need to understand. My need to feel justified. My need to feel like I was being a good Christian by reading the Bible everyday. Perhaps the most harmful aspect of my so-called devotional life during this time was that it was me and only me who was interpretting the Bible. How arrogent! My personal theology became incredibly flawed, it set me up for disaster. And all the time I thought that I was doing what God wanted me to do.
So now I have a hard time reading the Bible. In fact, I think I stopped reading it all together for about a year or so. I'm not really sure if this is a good thing or not. I'm just having a hard time finding out where to begin again.
"I never took the Bible for what it was - I always drew conclusions to my own situation."
So what was/is it? The Bible? I really liked reading about your journey with the Bible. You have expressed a few aspects of your reading that you found fruitless. Did this lead you to any conclusions?
How do you find yourself responding to other people's drawn conclusions from their "isolated" reading?
Hey Jess,
I am so right there with you.
/Shannon
What is the Bible? I like to define the Bible as God's story. I'm not sure I can get any more specific because I think that's about the depth of my knowledge in this area.
My conclusions... My immeadiate conclusion was that I was not a very good Christian if I couldn't form an orthodox theology from just reading the Bible. This wasn't a very good conclusion. But my next conclusion was that Christians need eachother to help us understand our faith and that I shouldn't write other Christians off just because what they say was contrary to what I already "knew". This led me from an isolationist stance to a more teachable attitude. My faith is not just personal, I cannot even begin to understand my own faith without being a part of the community.
Isolated. That word intrigues me.
I'm curious where my journey with this old book is going too. I don't worship it anymore. That's a good thing. I don't see it as a text dropped down from the sky, isolated among other known literature in the age of antiquity. And that has been a good thing for me too.
I don't always consider fiction to equal falsehoods. That's a good thing. Thanks to Jesus' parables (God's stories) for teaching me that.
So, I've arrived at playing with genre placement and have enjoyed seeing the bible (generally speaking) within the genre of historical fiction. And my latest question to myself is - How does the old and new testament differ from other works of literature in antiquity (Gilgamesh, Homer, Plato, Loa Tzu, Mencius, Seneca, Ovid, Horace, etc.)?
I've been thinking, "Whether there be or not be, evidence of divine knowledge in human literature, anything revealing more about this fullness of God's revelation called Jesus, will certainly take greater priority." I think this is a good thing for my relationship with God.
In the future, I hope to find a good book club or two that includes the bible among the great literature we will discuss. I think that would be a good thing for me too.
HEy Jerry there is a club like that, its called church... :)
Hey Paul,
It has been rare, or non-existent, for me to see a literature (classics, something you'd see in the lit. section of McNally's) discussion group in a church institution. I usually see books in churches read ONLY by christians.
I don't mean to sound negative or pretentious. It's just what I've seen.
Peace
I understand, I was kind of being silly, when I commented. I find our church small groups are really helpful as we takel issues and scriptures together as a community, which I apreciate. But I do understand what you are saying.
Paul
"In doing so, I lost the story, because the story became about me and only me. My need to understand. My need to feel justified. My need to feel like I was being a good Christian by reading the Bible everyday."
Well said Jessica. This, for me, is what plagues contemporary 'bible reading'. We're so conditioned to find something in every dark corner of the bible that relates TO ME AT THIS INSTANT. Then, as you say, the story becomes about me instead of God. Very interesting to hear about your struggle with this. I hope that if/when you return to the bible you'll tell us why.