Last year I took a creative writing course. One day we did an exercise where we got into groups and wrote a story together. Each of us would take turns writing for about two minutes until the story came to an end. The following is the product of that exercise - Credit must go to my group, but I did take liberties in cleaning up the language. Enjoy, I hope you do not find it too offensive. (Try to guess which part I wrote!)
So there I was, smack-dab in the middle of one “sticky” situation. Seems that ridiculous bear had spilt his honey all over my hut, yet again. And even worse, I had sat in it. Now that little brat Christopher Robin was going to pin my tail on again. I hate him.
My rear end covered in honey, no tail in sight, and just when I think things can’t get any worse, that bouncing idiot Tigger comes hopping alone. Sometimes I would like to kick him right in the head - maybe it would straighten him out. I glance back at my hut. If it was colder the honey would harden and provide some insulation for the walls. But of course, nothing can ever go my way. In true idiotic form, Tigger crashes into my hut, ruining it - Negating the fact it was covered in honey. I’m seeing red.
“What are you doing you doing you freaking idiot. Why don’t you get off the glue, quit hopping around like a moron and watch where you are going”
“Well what ever do you mean Eeyore?”
“Tigger, if there’s one thing I can not stand it’s hyperactivity. I’ve had a very bad day. I just want to take my Zoloft and have a nap. Do you get my drift?”
“I believe it’s ‘catch my drift’,” said Tigger curtly.
“If you don’t leave me alone, I swear, I will end you bouncing days.”
“I’ll tell Christopher Robin,” Tigger threatened.
I paused a minute. Tigger would tell Christopher Robin, Pooh would find out about the missing honey and Rabbit would have a field day. And then I knew what he had to do. Yes, Tigger would have to be taken care of.
“Tigger,” I said, changing my tone, “Why don’t you help me reassemble my hut, then we can talk.”
“Well now you’re being more reasonable,” said Tigger.
Tigger moved towards the cardboard door to pick it up. As he bent over I grabbed a 2x4 and hit him over the head as hard as I could.
“Ah, ah, what the heck is wrong with you?
Tigger looked back at me and I noticed that he was missing his two front teeth.
“You humpbacked donkey! What were you trying to do with that 2x4? You don’t even have hands!”
I, a pillar of composure gave Tigger one swift kick to the junk and trampled him to death. Just as I had fashioned himself a nice fur coat out of Tigger’s carcass, Christopher Robin and his posse showed up. Good thing I had backup. It was Piglet, the pig with a plan. He had been behind the whole plot from the beginning.
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Continuing on the subject of Winnie the Pooh....
One of the reason why Winnie the Pooh is such a popular collection of stories is because of the uniqueness of the characters. I don't know about you, but I often see similarities between some of the characters and people I know (and myself!). So I came up with some Pooh-inspired personality profiles. I hope you enjoy them and please let me know who you most resemble!
Pooh: You're not the brightest penny in the jar, but you sometimes come up with profound insights. You like to take your time and have a good routine. You enjoy the simple things in life. You are a loyal and caring friend. Lovable and hugable, you are sensitive to the needs of others. You're easy going and you look for the best in people. Your head may be full of stuffing, but your heart is as good as gold!
Possible mental disorder: Disordered Eating
Possible Careers: Counselor, Chef, Artist, Homemaker, Food Critic, Wine Taster, Kindergarten Teacher.
Owl: You are a leader. Many see you as wise beyond your years though you tend to overlook the obvious. You are a big picture person and a visionary. Many people come to you to seek advice, though you may not always be qualified to give an answer. You are good at mobilizing the troops. People tend to rally around you.
Possible mental disorder: Megalomania
Possible Careers: Politician, Administrator, CEO, Leader of a cult, Self help guru, Motivational speaker.
Tigger: You're the life of the party. Your main concern is having fun and being the center of attention. You have a lot of friends and you are well-liked by most. Organization and time management are not your strengths because you are people centered. You like to go with the flow. You're definitely an optimist. Though you have good intentions, you can be destructive - but it's hard to hold it against you.
Possible mental disorders: ADHD
Possible Careers: Actor, Stunt Person, Youth Worker, Consultant, Career Student, Professional Athlete, Freelance Photographer.
Kanga: You are a nurturing personality. You enjoy having people in your house - hospitality is very important to you. You are a listener and you give sound advice. You are organized and responsible. However, you have trouble taking risks and often wonder what your life would be like should you made different choices. You may tend to live vicariously through your children or people you have invested in.
Possible mental disorders: Munchausen’s by proxy syndrome
Possible careers: Teacher, Nurse, Counselor, Caregiver, Homemaker, Chef, Mediator, Mentor, Party host.

Rabbit: You are prepared for anything. Intelligent, organized and responsible, you are often plagued by anxiety. You consider yourself a realist and you like to have all your ducks in a row. You often get distracted by details and you are known for overreacting. You are very hygienic and neat. You may be considered a bit of a nag. However, you have a good heart and really just want to take care of those you love. You give thoughtful gifts - indeed, you put a lot of thought into everything you do.
Possible mental disorder: Obsessive compulsive disorder
Possible Careers: Pharmacist, Accountant, Scientist, Hygienist, Teacher, Bureaucrat, Wedding Planner.
Eeyore: You are an introvert and deeply thoughtful. You are a pessimist because nothing seems to go right for you. You probably have a lot of friends, but may feel lonely from time to time. Though you tend to get down on yourself, you are very spiritual - this makes you incredibly endearing. You like to build things and work with your hands (hoofs). This can distract you from too much navel-gazing.
Possible mental disorder: Clinical Depression
Possible Careers: Philosopher, Carpenter, Artist, Musician, Aid Worker, Dentist.
Piglet: You are a pig in the background. You have lots of friends and everyone likes you but you hate being the center of attention. You are incredibly afraid of speaking in public. You often rely on others for your self esteem. You are a true friend and can muster courage if you have to. Though you may be timid, you never cease to stand up for those who need it.
Possible mental disorder: Social Anxiety Disorder
Possible Careers: Civil Servant, NGO worker, Social Worker, Teacher, Engineer, Administrative Assistant, Human Resources.