I declare war on the following items... These things are enemies of my way of life and a threat to freedom! I call them the axis of annoyance.
1. Crows: I have written about my feelings for crows in the past. They are already planning their second insurrection in my backyard. As of yet, the weather remains cold enough that my windows stay closed at night and the early morning. But I know that come spring, there will be a resurgence in violence. We can expect casualties - but this is the cost of sleeping in until eight.
2. Genetically altered strawberries: These "berries" taste like well water! Sure, they're big and red on the outside, but what's the point if your strawberry shortcake tastes like shortcake? Can no one grow a normal strawberry anymore?
3. Dora the Explorer (and her cohorts): Honestly - is there a reason you feel you have to scream every single thing you say? Perhaps the laziest bunch of animators are to blame for this brainless cartoon. This show claims to be educational because it teaches kids to speak Spanish. Two Spanish words per episode is not worth listening to Dora scream everything she says and then stare at you silently for half an hour waiting for a response. I'll teach my kid to say "Ola" on my own, thank you very much. And don't get me started on all the crappy merchandise that has Dora's face plastered onto it.
4. Georges Stroumboulopoulos: I'll apologize in a advance to JP for this. George Stroumboulopoulos is quite possibly the most annoying Canadian celebrity other than the hosts of E-Talk. Why does he have to cock his head so much? He reminds me of some sort of bird. Has anyone else noticed that his head is unusually large? Though I appreciate the content in The Hour, I find Stroumboulopoulos very pretentious - he's a very obvious ploy to bring more young viewers to the CBC. He should have stuck to Much Music - that's more his level.
5. "Colours" art supply store: I know that it's so much easier to find than Art Placement - I have shopped there from time to time. But, in all honesty, nobody know anythings there. They are slow at the till, pushy will you're browsing, their selection is lacking and their prices are unreasonable. Plus, Glen Scrimshaw shops there. So take the extra time to find "Art Placement" instead - you will be amazed at the difference!
6. CSI Miami - Is it me or when a crime scene detective is faced with the impaled body of a swimsuit model he should either keep his mouth shut, show some sympathy for victim, maybe even show some disgust for the violence he has witnessed - but for goodness sake don't take off your sunglasses and say "I get the point" or some other ridiculous pun. And what scientist drives around in a hummer? And why are the crime scene investigators always pulling guns on people? Are they the police? What detective shamelessly shows her cleavage while interviewing suspects? For that matter, while are all CSI's hot?
And now, my allies against the axis of annoyance...
1. Yellow Mangoes: You know the ones I'm talking about. Not the big green ones, but the little yellow ones. Superstore has them in right now and they're sooooo good. They don't have all the stringy stuff that gets stuck in your teeth and they're much sweeter! YUM!
2. Cookies made with cake mix: As one who hates making cookies, these are a life saver! The recipe is so easy: 1 package of cake mix, 2 eggs and 1/2 a cup of margarine - mix and bake for 8-10 minutes at 375. So easy and tasty and only one bowl!
3. Starfall.com: The best kids website ever! It teaches letters, phonics, reading, math... The annoyance factor is low - it actually kind of cute, and there's no commercials or any attempt to sell you anything. Sasha has learned all his letters (capitals and lower case), sounds, and numbers from this website and now he's even started to recognize words and match them to pictures! (I feel like a lazy parent, but how can you compete?) The child only needs to use the mouse. I had to help Sasha the first few times, but it was so easy he got it within a few tries. There are lots of activities for kids between ages 2-9 years old. I highly recommend it!
4. Art Placement: The best art supply store in Saskatoon no contest. Everyone is so helpful and knowledgeable - they never make you feel stupid and they never try to sell you something you don't need. They have such great selection and really reasonable prices. If you're looking for good quality, cheap acrylic paint - this is where you go. Don't even think about going to Micheal's. And all you cardmaking and scapbooking people out there... The coloured and textured paper and vellum (beautiful stuff from all over the world) at Art Placement is WAY cheaper per sheet than any other craft store. You can get high quality 16x24" sheets for approx $1.20 a sheet. At Micheals, single sheets that are less than half that size go for the same price.
5. Poko: I love this show! It's so cute, never annoying, and I know that my kids won't pick up anything bad from it. It's also surprisingly entertaining. Sasha laughs his head off when he watches this show. It teaches children emotional intelligence and imaginative play. And I found that you can buy Poko DVD's on the CBC website - a little pricey but it's a great DVD to have around.
6. Clothes Swaps: A great way to recycle clothing. Get together with friends and swap clothes that don't fit anymore, kids clothes, or stuff that you're just tired of. It's a great way to
change up your wardrobe while saving carbon and cash!
Labels: humour, life in general
