The Highest Form of Hope

It's been almost two years since I graduated from the college of education at the U of S. Since then, I haven't had much opportunity to actually practice my profession other than subbing. I had two children during my four years of University (I was pregnant during my very first round of exams and my very last) and it's time to enjoy them. Right now, I am content to be at home with my two boys and to work on my "art career" (if you can call it that).

And so I've never really blogged about teaching. The last time I taught was during my internship and I was too insanely busy to even think about blogging; not that there wasn't material - BELIEVE ME! I absolutely LOVED teaching art and history at St. Joseph's High School. And there were challenges. There were times I had to learn not to take myself too seriously. There were times I was teaching things I had learned the day previous. There were times I was terrified.

It is a beautiful thing to teach - I enjoy it in just about every subject and setting, but the highlight of my internship was of course, teaching art. There is no other subject where you are so privileged to know your students.

Students have to completely trust you in order to truly create. They trust that you will not criticize their abilities. They have to trust you enough to let you push them. They have to trust you with their true selves - it's pretty hard to hide your true self in an art classroom. There is nothing so personally revealing as to write or paint or compose. To critique and assess such a thing is a delicate balance - if done thoughtlessly or without love, it can crush a student's creative impulse.

And now, I am able to experience this privilege again! I've recently started an art class for high school girls. There are five girls in the class; I wish it could be more, but my house only has so much room! And it's been wonderful. Even though it's at the end of the day and I'm often tired by the time the art class begins, I feel energized and refreshed by the end! They are so excited to learn and so proud in the things they've accomplished so far. It is an honor to give them the skills to exercise their gifts.

What a beautiful thing!

Labels: art education, teaching

Today was a sad day. Today we said goodbye to a dearly loved family member, my cousin Micheal. And I know that especially for those who knew and loved him best, there will many sad days ahead. There will be happy days to. We'll gather around the table during family celebrations and remember the laughter and smiles that we shared with Mike, though we know there will always be an absence, a place that longs to be filled. Mike was a big man with a big heart. He loved to create, build, paint, and cook. Though he had a large burden to carry, he was a gift to our family. And we'll miss him. And we'll long for the day when there will be no more absences around the table.

Monk by the Sea - Casper David Friedrich, 1809. This image is always on my desktop.

"To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist." - Cardinal Emmanuel Suhard

"Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself." - Unamuno

Labels: art, faith

Here are some recent discoveries I've found interesting. I hope you might get a chance to enjoy them to!

Camilla Gibb Sweetness in the Belly
What girl doesn't like a story about a woman torn between the love of her past and a presently unfolding relationship? Take this story and set it against the tumultuous recent history of Ethiopia and you've got a novel! Gibb sensitively conveys the experience of the outsider, the exiled and the refugee. No matter how unlikely the plot may seem, I never questioned Lily's voice; it is vulnerable and unbelievably believable. Highly engaging and surprisingly readable, Sweetness in the Belly is a book with a wide range of appeal. I would recommend it to just about anyone.

No Country for Old Men
As you probably know by now, I like movies. I tend to like movies that perhaps you may not like. No Country for Old Men is one of these movies. It is violent, it may feel unresolved, but it is really one of the best movies of the year. I am a fan of the Coen Brothers (Fargo, Oh Brother Where Art Thou?), and if you are to you might find this movie interesting (I wouldn't recommend this movie unless you liked Fargo). The highlight of the film is Javier Bardem's performance as the fate driven assassin with possibly the worst haircut in movie history. Tommy Leah Jones gives a sensitive performance as a small town Texas Sheriff who is weary and unsurprised by the violence he encounters. This movie is haunting and it is one that you'll be left thinking about long after the credits are done.

I am Legend
I don't normally review Hollywood blockbusters. It's not that I don't enjoy the odd blockbuster, they're just not usually very interesting to write about. But this movie unexpectedly surprised me in two ways. One: Will Smith is a talented actor. This is probably one of his best performances. He is a scared and lonely man living in post-apocalyptic New York; not exactly your typical action hero. Two: there are severe limits to CG animation. Technology certainly has its place in the movies, but the CG animated monsters in I am Legend seemed completely out of place, especially paired beside Smith's startlingly believable character. This is one of those movies that's good to see with a group of people. There's enough depth to have a conversation about, it is an action movie so it's entertaining enough, and it generally has a wide range of appeal. But if you want to see a really great apocalyptic movie, rent Children of Men - the best science fiction movie in the past five years (in my opinion).

Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Visually overwhelming, wonderful performances, poorly written and directed... That is what I have concluded about Elizabeth: the Golden Age. Cate Blanchet was amazing, as usual. I was blown away by Samantha Morton as Mary Stuart - one intensely creepy performance. But other than that, this movie was sadly anti-climactic (or perhaps multi-climatic). One rousing speech after another, one emotional scene after another... It was just too much. I was disappointed. It could have been so much better.

Radiohead In Rainbows
This is likely the best album I bought last year. If Radiohead has proven too experimental for you in the past but you like a few of their songs, this album is for you. It took a few listens for me to appreciate - but it's worth it! Subtle, beautiful, cool, and haunting would be my choice adjectives to describe this album. There are a couple of very intense love songs. My favorites are All I Need, Videotape, and Weird Fishes. If you buy one album this year, buy this one!

Wintersleep Welcome to the Night Sky
This one was a total surprise. It was one of those albums that Itunes recommended me and I slowly bought one or two songs at a time. Besides being musically excellent, the lyrics are what really got my attention. This album appears to be about trying to uncover meaning solely in tangible reality, but finding it lacking. Though Welcome to the Night Sky may tempt you to lock yourself in a dark room and cry yourself to sleep, it's a multi-dimensional, musically creative, undeniably catchy album. It's sure to be one of my favorites for years.

Labels: books, movies, music, reviews

That's Noah... Ejecting himself out of my sleigh and into the middle of the street (sigh).

I have been tagged. Apparently how this works is that someone (in this case Paul) comments on your blog that you've been tagged and then you're coerced into revealing personal information to every sicko out in cyberland. Well, I guess I'll do it. An internet stalker might boost my self esteem...

But in all seriousness, this could be fun (not the stalker, just the seven random facts - none of which will contain my phone number)!

1. I have an aversion to brown paper towels. I hate them - how they smell, look, feel, everything! Yuck! I actually feel sick when I'm wiping my hands with them, especially if me hands aren't particularly wet. Weird hey?

2. I cannot learn languages. My brain just can't do it. I've tried. I suck. And what rubs it in is that I'm married to someone who speaks/reads/writes three languages.

3. I can't stand opera. I really am very open minded when it comes to music and the arts - and I've given opera a chance, an honest chance. I went to see Madame Butterfly in London. The most exciting part of the evening for me was that during intermission I was able to buy gourmet ice cream. I almost fell asleep and then I laughed when she died (that's really not as bad as it sounds). Granted, I was sixteen.

4. I would love to write and direct a play one day. It will probably never happen, but I've got plenty of ideas if it does!

5. I make an awesome Alfredo sauce.

6. I love peanut butter. I've probably eaten peanut butter just about every day for my entire life. I'll only buy my one particular brand. Nothing else will do.

7. I have CBC radio on for almost the entire day when I'm at home with the kids and whenever I drive anywhere. I'm addicted to the news. I probably listen to it twice a day, check it three times online, watch it once in the evening... Pretty sad.

Labels: engrish, humour, random facts

That's how it feels sometimes. Like a bustling mall during the holidays, filled with every imaginable "product" offering truth, happiness, a world view to live by... Each equally true and untrue at the same time. A horizontal totality. And since our highest value is choice, it is the opportunity to choose that is our highest truth.

It's no wonder people want to opt out of the market place. We've successfully deconstructed the stories of religions and ideologies and traditions and we've found them lacking. We're left with the remnants of old stories strewn upon the floor. They all look the same on this vast horizontal plateau - equally oppressive, violent and contradictory. Perhaps one falls back on science, reason, deduction - a world without the spiritual. Similarly, one could close herself off; refuse to see or acknowledge anything other than her own beliefs and become fundamental. I would find these decisions completely understandable - both have had their certain appeal in my own journey.

In such a market place, how can we ever be certain that what we've bought is the right product? We either become pure consumer and find the product that suits us best or we become a salesperson; intent on convincing others to buy into our brand of belief.

So we argue and we debate and we deconstruct in order to convince. It's war. It's violent. What we accept as 'truth' is usually the end result amid this "war of persuasions". The one who gave the most convincing, the most eloquent, the most 'logical' argument while best concealing his own contradictions is crowned the winner. And by no means have Christians refused to participate. But it is in the midst of this violent marketplace that Christ comes. Not as an argument, but as flesh and blood, sinew and bone.

David Bentley Hart puts it this way:
...he is unmarketable, he produces nothing that can brought into history's true arena... his practices do not obey market functions; he is, simply enough, a bad consumer and entrepreneur, concerned with feeding the poor and comforting the sickly, living like a mendicant, advocating the unconditional forgiveness of debts, treating money like Caesar's uncontested property (with an irresponsible air of indifference), and promiscuously producing and distributing good this like bread, fishes, and new wine outside the circle of commodification and exchange.

I had a brilliant Sunday school teacher when I was a teenager. I was struggling with the marketplace already, already wondering how I could possibly be so arrogant to claim that my belief was more true than anyone else's. He said something to the effect of , "It's not about being right and everyone else being wrong, this is the wrong question... I can't prove to you that Jesus is the truth, but I can say he is most beautiful and unique story that I've ever heard."

What we accept as true has less to do with 'logic', 'rationality', and 'proof' and more to do with persuasion (or aesthetics). This persuasion can come from "violence of rhetoric" (as Hart calls it), or it can come from a wholly different type of persuasion...

The persuasion of Christ is that which is "only made manifest in being suppressed; its gesture is that of the gift, which is given even in being rejected." It is a story that exposes the violence that underlies worldly truth and opens up a different truth, a different story "one told anew and with ever greater power every time violence is employed to silence it".

Labels: aesthetics, christ, truth

Left to right: Sheryl, me, Heather, Charity, Shoban and Johnson. Behind us is possibly the ugliest Christmas tree in the world.

No I did not graduate for a small town in the middle of nowhere.... My graduating class was actually around 400 students but these are some of my old friends from the advanced class! A couple of them I haven't really talked to in about ten years. The others I see when they're in town - once every couple of years or so. I'm basically the only one left in Saskatoon as far as I know. Wow - the interesting lives of my former classmates... We figured out that out of our former class of 15, 3 of us have become teachers, 3 doctors (or doctors in progress - one neurosurgeon - that's Shoban), one engineer, one political science grad, two studying linguistics, three in the commerce field, one physiotherapist, one web designer... I know I'm missing someone but I couldn't help but feel a little envious at the well-traveled lives of my friends! I got some great ideas of where I want to go for my next big trip - perhaps Malaysia... (whenever that happens!). And it was so nice to reconnect. People change so much, but we seemed to pick up from where we left off. We had a wonderful visit. Thanks Heather for organizing this! Hopefully in the near future we'll have a get-together with the whole gang! I missed you Jessica (as always), Brian, Mark, Graham, Natisha, Allison, Stephanie, Janice, and Twyla! Come and visit sometime!

Labels: friends, high school reunion

Our church did something different for advent this year. For each week of advent a piece of artwork was created inspired by the Christmas story as told in Luke. In all, we ended up with five beautiful paintings done by different artists in the community. Myself, and two of my painting buddies got to participate.

Here are the paintings in order from left to right.
This is my painting based on Luke 2:1-7.

I was hesitant to paint a nativity scene, thought it would have been entirely appropriate given the Scripture passage. It has been painted so beautifully so many times before, I wasn't sure I could really add anything to that tradition. But I could not recall many paintings of a visibly pregnant Mary. And this is what I decided on.

This my imagining of the scene prior to Jesus’ birth. Mary has just ended her long journey and her labor pains are just beginning. The birth of Jesus is inevitable. He has not yet arrived, but he is within Mary; he is with her - in fact, she holds he belly in the same way she will soon hold her newborn.

In this painting the day is about to break. The darkness is being pushed away in radiant color. These are not necessarily peaceful colors, to remind myself that the gift of Christ was met with violent opposition, even soon after his birth. The way Mary holds her unborn child will be the same way she holds her son crucified (as in La Pieta). But a new day is inevitable and the colors of the dawn sky are reflected in Mary’s dress. Her dress is also rendered to echo the tearing of the temple curtain.

It is in this twilight hour that we find ourselves today. We are still in a sense waiting for Jesus; waiting for hope; but hope is already here.

A special thanks to Mary for organizing this, doing a beautiful drawing (the first piece) and for being my painting buddy. Thanks to Cora Lynn for also being my painting buddy, painting a gorgeous scene of Christ at the Temple (the final painting) and for your valuable feedback. And thanks to Shelley, my pregnant model and to baby Kendal for holding still while I drew her!

Labels: art, christmas, church

Our family just got back from a wonderful holiday in BC! We stayed with my folks, my brothers and my sister and her husband. It was crowded, but it was fun - especially for Noah and Sasha.

I could learn a lot from Sasha. He wants to live every moment to its fullest. If there's any action going on, he's right in the middle of it. Choosing between activities simply isn't an option - he has to do everything! He finds joy in every moment, nothing is dull, nothing is ordinary.

So you can imagine the wonderful time he had over the holiday! He learned to ski (very quickly I might add), go up the T-bar by himself, turn, stop and jump (all the necessary skills). And even after this he was not satisfied - he wanted to try snowboarding to (he didn't, that was a hard one to accept)! He had to chug a full bottle of PowerAid every day at lunch to make it through his busy schedule. Opening presents in the morning, skiing during the day, swimming at night... He finally crashed on the last day of skiing (that FOUR days people!)

Noah, on the other hand, is more of his mother's son. He relaxed in the condo, read books (The Donkey's Christmas Song was a big hit), took baths in the gigantic tub and took advantage of the free cable and wireless.

What a couple of cuties (yes, you to Matt)!

I hope your holiday season was full those wonderful moments when you are privileged to see the world through the eyes of a child!

Labels: christmas, family