The Highest Form of Hope

Confession time.

I like fashion.

It hurts to say this because I know how trivial and meaningless and harmful the fashion industry is. I know it warps how we see ourselves and it encourages greed, materialism and selfishness. So maybe this post is my way of justifying myself. If you care nothing for fashion, GOOD FOR YOU! I truly envy you.

But I care. I care what I wear. I'm not fussy about brand names or having the latest trend, I just enjoy dressing nice. I like fabric and I enjoy putting different textures and colors together (like decorating a room), seeing what I can come up with. Maybe it stems from being a visual person - I know many creatively inclined people who feel the same way. Trying to divorce my love of colors, fabrics, shapes and so on from materialism and unhealthy body images is a tough task, perhaps impossible. But I'm going to try. So here's my fashion-anti-fashion advice for all you who are racked by garment-inspired guilt.

1. Forget about brand names. You may end up buying brand names sometimes, but it should not be your prime directive. There are plenty of good clothes out there that have unknown names attached to them. Brand names are a status symbol. I say avoid them, especially when they're plastered over your rear end. Not so "Juicy".

2. Shop Thrifty. Secondhand stores are wonderful. Not only are you recycling, you're opting out of supporting an industry that thrives on the idea that new is better. NEW IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER! They certainly don't make clothes like they used to. You probably won't find that perfect pair of jeans at Value Village (I have never found jeans at a thrift store), but they're great places to find coats and jackets (I have a really wonderful collection of old coats), shoes (especially dress shoes), and jewelery (great place to find beads and bracelets).

3. Cheaper is not always the best buy. Cheap clothes are cheap for a reason. Either they used cheap labor or cheaped out on quality. What good is a pair or pants if you can only wear them for four months? This plays perfectly into the fashion industry's scheme - buy more stuff more often. A little extra money gone towards ensuring you're not enslaving some poor soul on the other side of the globe is worth it.

4. Get to know your tailor. Altering clothes that don't fit anymore is a great way to save money and keep clothes that you like longer. It's especially nice in the stage I'm at where I've had kids in past few years and my size has fluctuated. Better yet, learn to sew. I've turned many a thrift store find into something I enjoy wearing by taking it in or hemming it.

5. Just dye. Faded jeans? Dye them! Stained dress? Dye it! Tired of taupe? Dye it! Faded blacks? Dye them! RIT fabric dye is one of the only things I'll venture into Walmart for. It's surprisingly easy and it's actually quite fun.

6. Don't buy fashion magazines. The whole purpose of a fashion magazine is to make you feel bad enough about yourself to go out and spend a bunch or money on clothes you don't need. If you want to stay current look at this column. It's pictures from France of regular people on the street. The French know how to dress and they're usually a couple years ahead of Canada. They're not trendy either, they're classic. It's a great place to find ideas on how to put together a nice outfit.

7. Don't buy so much stuff. We spend a lot of money on being trendy and accumulate a lot of waste doing it. Spend money on things that are classics and will last. Don't be trendy. Be yourself. Don't buy a lot of brightly colored clothes. You won't wear them very long - colors go in and out of fashion all the time. Buy neutrals and then colorful accessories like scarfs and jewelery. Remember, you're rich in this world if you own more than one outfit. The French once again have something to teach us. They usually invest (and I mean invest, they tend to buy higher-end clothes, but just less of them) in a couple of nice outfits and don't mind wearing them a couple days in a row. I once saw an interview of a French socialite on a fashion show. They looked through her closet and it was surprisingly sparse. There were many clothes she had bought years ago, but still wore because they were classics - like a trench coat or a black dress. Compare that to the rich and famous in North America and there's quite a difference!

8. Don't be afraid to borrow. I don't know about you, but I don't exactly have a calender packed with black tie affairs. When you need an outfit, or shoes or whatever for just one day, why not borrow something instead of buying a dress you'll never wear again. Sharing. What a concept.

9. Swap. Speaking of sharing, clothing swaps are great for refreshing your wardrobe without a trip to the store. They basically sustained me through college. About five of us friends got together for some social time and we brought clothes the we didn't need anymore. It's another opportunity to recycle and to help out a friend. You can't go wrong with that.

Labels: anti-fashion, fashion, self-loathing

For the past three years, our Easter weekends have been a little different than most peoples. There hasn't been any ham (or "ham-loaf" for those of you in PA) and turkey dinners as a family, no Easter egg hunts with the kids (at least not on Easter itself - which might not be such a bad thing)... We've spent the last three years taking the youth on a missions trip to downtown Calgary to serve with a variety of organizations, all of which work with the homeless, the drug addicted, and the destitute.

Easter weekend has worked for us for a variety of reasons. It's a time of year when there is a lack of volunteers so we know that we're needed. It's also a time of year when the youth can get away for the weekend. In a small town it's nearly impossible to compete with sports teams, as most teams need half the high school to participate. Our small town kids are surprisingly busy - almost as over-volunteered as their parents! But that's the way things have to work in a small town. I do miss my family (especially my kids) over Easter, and I miss my church family as well. But there is something profound about serving at such a frenzied pace during the Easter season. It is impossible to forget what Jesus' message is when folding sheets or peeling potatoes or playing with children who do not have the things my children have.

And every year I am ministered to by our youth. If you don't know the youth in Hepburn, you are missing out. I find myself bursting with pride when I talk about them, just like I love to talk about my own children! I can't even describe how proud I felt when I watched them work and work without ever complaining or how they bravely they entered uncomfortable situations or how lovingly they supported each other through the whole experience.

So what did we actually do in Calgary? We slept and had our sessions in a church right in the middle of downtown Calgary. In fact, our youth got to see first hand the lives of prostitutes and drug addicts as all sorts of activities were happening within view of our sleeping quarter windows. During the days we were split up the majority of times - small groups of us would go from agency to agency doing whatever they needed to be done. On the first day, my group worked for an agency called Servants Anonymous. This organization helps house and mentor women who are trying to escape lives of drug addiction and prostitution. We painted the interior of a house that is the first home for these women in their journey off the streets. I was given the opportunity to paint a small mural in the entrance hall. It's an image that came to me in a dream once. (You must be thinking Jessica is CRAZY...) It is a picture of a lush tree full of life, but all around it is in the dead of winter. I guess it's my wish for the women and the children who live in this home, even though everything around them may be dead and cold, that they may be growing and full of life.

After painting most of the day, my group went out on a hot chocolate run. We went around and visited with people and handed out hot chocolate and socks (socks are a valuable commodity on the street). In the evening I took a four hour detour to a downtown clinic (I actually ran into some of the folks I met that day) to get stitches (a kitchen accident) while the rest of the group had a very meaningful session which I was sorry to have missed.

The next day my group headed to the Salvation Army Booth. This is a both a shelter and rental facility. 75% of the residents are employed, but housing is so expensive they can't afford rent. Ryan Smith and two others worked in the kitchen while the rest of us folded and sorted linens donated by a local hotel. Then in the afternoon we held an Easter carnival with inflatables and other fun activities, a hot dog lunch, prizes, and finally candy. Lots of fun! We were wise to save the candy for last... hyper, hyper kids! If that wasn't enough to tire out our youth we took them swimming after supper! Then it was Paul's turn to spend some quality time in the hospital. One of our youth broke his nose and had to get it set. Ouch.

On Sunday we began the day by preparing Easter dinner at The Seed Foothills (a shelter in South Calgary). Two of my crew were exhausted and sick, but they did as much as they could. The rest of us made sandwiches for Monday's bag lunches and then dished out roast beef and potatoes. After that we had our debrief. The kids shared. We cried. We prayed for each other and for the people we had met over the weekend.

So that was our Easter: a collection of simple actions. And even though we missed the church services and the traditions (and ham-loaf) that mark the most important day of the Christian calender, it was a meaningful one. I feel that I am a little old to experience the exciting spiritual highs of our youth. Maybe I'm just a little less sensitive, a little more realistic (or jaded, take your pick)... But this weekend reminded me that it is always in the doing that we find God. It is in simple actions that we draw close to the Divine.

Labels: easter

I wouldn’t consider myself an adventurous person. I enjoy spending time at home, reading or drawing or listening to music. I’m not a world traveler. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being spontaneous, it’s that a moment of spontaneity is always initiated by someone else, but I am happy to go along for the ride. It is a myth that all artists are spontaneous. Perhaps that myth is propagated by the apparent irrationality of pursuing a career in the arts.

My decision to pursue art as a career was less spontaneous and more necessity, as it was born out of the slow death of a failed career in Mathematics. I was groomed into believing that the Sciences and Maths were my only path to a successful and viable future. As a good student, I found everything interesting and did well in every subject, so it seemed that Math would be as good a choice as any. But as I progressed through University, the language of numbers seemed more and more foreign to me with each passing year. After several failed courses, I gave up and took a three year break to find my bearings.

The same curiosity that drove me to find the beauty in imaginary numbers slowly but inevitably led me down a different path. I was deeply depressed over my failure. I was not used to disappointment in this area of life. My brother suggested that I should start drawing again, trying to encourage me to venture out from my leaky basement suite. So I took a class. And then another. The world became new again for me, new like it is to a three year old. I found everything fascinating – I think you might have to to be an artist. You need to be curious to find the patience for art.

And now I found myself standing in front of an open door, not being able to dismiss it. I was a little nervous about ending up in an area of the library where I was not supposed to be or being chastised by a stern security officer. But I could not turn away.

I left the door open behind me. It felt wrong to close it when someone had left it open – perhaps for an important purpose. Three small lithographs hung neatly side by side in wooden frames and there were two empty conference rooms on either side of the hall. The hallway ended with swing door joining to a cramped staircase containing only two flights upwards. At the top of the stairs was a large and heavy wooden door with a small glass plate in the center (the exact center) of the door. Certainly not at eye level, unless you where four feet tall. The door opened easily despite its weight.

I had now completely forgotten about my mentor. My pace slowed from quick-step escape mode to a cautious, explorative gate. I entered a second hall. This area of the building was noticeably fresher than the former hall. The walls were painted bright white, made brighter by clean, large windows to the outside on my left. It overlooked an ill-attended courtyard I had viewed once before through a locked glass door on the ground level. This hall was longer. More locked conference rooms with noticeably new furniture. I could smell the faint scent of wet paint. Perhaps a painter had left the door open.

The hall turned to the right and I found myself face to face with a row of books.

I was in the stacks.

I walked to the end of the row and peered down end, trying to situate myself. To my surprise I was on the opposite side of the library to where I guessed I might emerge. It took a moment to get over the disorientation. At first I wasn’t sure I was in the right building.

Soon familiarity returned. I adjusted my backpack and searched for a table to unburden myself. In the excitement of the detour, its heaviness had slipped my mind.

Labels: fiction

More reviews! Hooray! So many movies... so little time!

There Will Be Blood - This movie is about the dehumanizing power of greed. Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis), is an oil man in a time where the business was even more brutal and dangerous than it is today. He gradually builds his empire, but at the expense of his son and everyone else who might have cared for him. Daniel Day-Lewis only does about one film every five years, but gets nominated for an Oscar just about every time! And of course he won for his genius of a performance in this movie. I personally thought There Will Be Blood should have won best picture. Another treat in this movie is the haunting soundtrack - Radiohead's Jonny Greenwood composed much of the score.

Juno - The best movie ever about teen pregnancy! (har har) A quirky little film which depicts a most believable teen romance, Juno is a sixteen year old with a highly developed taste in music who gets pregnant and subsequently makes the very difficult choice to carry her baby to term and give him up for adoption to a pair of picture perfect suburban yuppies. Though everything does not work out as planned, Juno is a movie that will make you feel warm inside (despite the references to shooting babies out of cannons at sporting events!). A very accurate portrayal of what it's like being a teenager these days, the dialog sounded like it was straight off the lips of the girls in my small group. A great coming-of-age movie staring a believable teenage girl? I'm all for it!

Once - If you watched the Oscars, you'll remember that this movie won for best song. It's one awesome soundtrack, and it's also a great little movie (and I mean little - it looks like its budget was literally $5000.00). Though the actors are technically much better musicians than actors, this is still a wonderful movie - imagine a musical written by David Gray. Its also nice that the plot doesn't bend to any tired old romantic storylines. And of course, it takes place in Dublin. It will make you want to say all sorts on interesting phrases with an Irish accent! (Rated R for language)

Goya's Ghosts - This movie was a disappointment to me. I was initially excited to see a movie about the life of Goya and perhaps get the story behind his most disturbing works. But alas, the movie wasn't really about Goya. It wasn't really about anything. There were lost of pretty scenes and pretty costumes, but I was never really given the motivation behind the any of the characters actions. The only bonus in this film was creepy Javier Bardem (he may be type-casted as a psychopath for his entire career - I really can't imagine him as anything else after No Country for Old Men).

Labels: movies, reviews

March is a busy busy time of year around our household. Paul has Youth retreats and we're both going on the Calgary missions trip over Easter. Sasha is finishing up hockey and Paul is in the playoffs. But there's always time for a little fun...

Sasha has been dabbling in his artistic side. He enjoyed painting my untreated canvas this week. It actually looked pretty cool because the the wet canvas made the paint bleed in some interesting patterns. He also found a passion for music this month - the violin in particular. We spent a Sunday afternoon listening to his performances at the Marsolais. Jean-Yves and Sasha even played a duet (I'm guessing not everyone found it as enthralling as I did)!

Noah is happily asserting dominance over Sasha. The other night Sasha came into our bedroom crying, "Noah bit me in the bum!" Sometimes Sasha crawls into Noah's crib to wake him up so they can play. I told Sasha to go back to bed, and not to bother Noah anymore. In the morning while I was dressing Sasha I saw his bum and Noah had indeed bitten him. HARD. He had broken the skin and given Sasha a nasty bruise that still hasn't healed.

Paul is busy with youth and busy planning the Calgary trip. We've got a great group of sponsors going and of course the kids are great to! I'm looking forward to it! I'm also looking forward to hockey being over (I think he is to). It will be nice to have him around more on the weekends - we're simply too far behind on our must-see movie list!

Paul also got a new toy that I am soooo jealous of! But I'll let him explain that one... (I'm sure he will soon)

I'm soldiering on in my fast from make-up. Let me tell you, it was pretty hard going bare-faced for our valentines day date! But it's surprising how much time I'm saving in the morning. With my new short hair and no make-up, I can basically roll out of bed and be ready for the day in 15 minutes (minus getting the kids ready). It's kind of nice!

Another important development in our household: Paul moved my "studio" from a smaller leaky basement bedroom to a larger leakier bedroom! (Ha ha) But it is good to have the space. I'm quickly running out of room. I'm now working on the fifth painting in my series (I honestly can't believe it!). I know I've been asked to explain my paintings on this blog several times, but I really can't until the series is finished; right now it's still an incomplete thought! But I'm so excited... I thought this project would take me three or four years, but things are coming together faster than expected!

Anyway, that's all for now! Enjoy the pictures Grandma and Grandpa - Don't be afraid to comment!

Labels: life in general